Current mood: contemplative
Well the time is almost here... 2 more weeks and we will have a new addition to our little family. Though Baby Alex's arrival was planned... very well... I can't help but have some mixed feelings now that hes almost here. Don't get me wrong, I am BEYOND excited about this arrival! I can't wait to hold my baby boy and all the bonding we will do. I am more nervous about Mia and her reaction and how our lives will change once hes here.
I am not to scared about the newborn phase though I know it will be alot of work and I mean TONS but we did it before, and not to long ago I might add, so I am not that rusty. Mia is what has me nervous.
Her whole little life I have dedicated my whole self to her. She gets EVERYTHING and I do my best to be the best Mama I can be for her. I sacrifice anything and everything for her, without thinking twice because I love her that much. I always make sure she is well feed with the best foods we can provide her, she has all the hugs and kisses she can get, I give her all the emotional support I can, I guide her as best I can, I teach her things and spend as much quality time as I can with her. Though it isn't easy, especially when I am tired or pregnant but I do my very best because I know shes deserves it.
So now with her little sibling almost here, how is that going to change things???? I know it won't change my love or how I feel about Mia.. its how am I going to balance the two!? Especially when the newborn needs me so much for the first couple of months. How will I adjust, how will Mia adjust, how will she react? Will she feel rejected by Mama? Will she despise her brother or myself? Will she feel hurt, left out or ignored (by her Mama not other family members) just because I can no longer dedicate my 100% attention to her anymore? Our bedtime bonding time will be over, I will no longer be able to do all the Mia-Mama things that are special between us due to the lack of time or that I cannot leave her brother unattended long enough to do them. THAT is what makes me nervous... and its THAT that makes me have mixed feelings about the birth.
Again, I am excited about the birth and I can't wait, however, I can't help but feel that little shadow hanging over my head ... the shadow of the unknown. I just hope I can learn the balancing act fast and efficient before Mia starts to have resentment.
Another thing that makes me nervous and sad is being away from Mia for as long as I have to be while I recover in the hospital. Since she was born I have NEVER been away from her longer than a 24 hr period. I will be in the hospital between 3-4 days IF everything turns out good. That is nearly a week without being with my little Mia! I will be missing the day she turns 27 months and will not be able to do the traditional picture and video taking of her on that day (Something I have been doing since she was a month old). Her blogs might fall to the waist side for awhile and quite possibly end... ugh... I don't know... so many things to think about.
I guess I just need to focus on what is important in the long run rather than the short term and that is, Mia will always be loved and will eventually adjust but most of all we are giving her a HUGE gift... the gift of a sibling! Someone to bond with, someone to grow up with, a partner in crime and someone who will love her. There is nothing greater than a sibling bond (I know first hand), and she is fortunate enough to be able to experience that and we are fortunate enough to give her that gift.
So I guess when I start to get nervous or mixed feelings, I just need to focus on those things rather than the short term. There will be a BIG adjustment period, but we will get though it, we will find our nitch... all of us.. and we will be a better family in the end.
